I got out to arts events this week. I wrote another 13 pages of the manuscript with Julya’s photos. I did prep-work for the photo collage series. I even organized my writing files on my computer.
But I feel… something. Impatient and irritable and like I’m not doing enough as a result of some underlying external things. I keep almost writing about it and then not, because it’s not really about my art practice per se, but I don’t think it’s possible to write about my art without these other things right now.
The government recently slashed arts funding to a dramatic extent. This make me feel alienated. With so many mass layoffs announced this week, I also feel like I should turn my art practice into a lucrative side hustle, just in case. This makes me feel like I’m failing at art for not having done so already. This isn’t good because I’ve made deliberate choices to write and make weird niche stuff that is more about my self-expression than commercial viability. So current events have made me feel not only discarded, but also doubtful of own intent in my artistic practice.
Writing that feeling out makes me see how much I want to resist it for two reasons. The first—I want to be resilient and autonomous and not let current affairs get me down… motivate me, yes, but not just bum me out with no positive outcome for me or anyone else. The second—I’ve been really happy with how my writing and art have been going lately and I want to feel good about the progress I’ve made, with that success measured on my own terms. It makes me think of Sister Corita Kent’s rules, in particular—the only rule is work. I’ve been working hard. That’s really all I can do.
Anyway I thought I’d write this because, even though I don’t really like discussing these topics on this blog, they are having a strong and notable effect on my mindset and art practice, and I thought I might say so in case anyone else is feeling the same and would find knowing that they’re not the only one somewhat comforting.
Now—back to work.