So—I’ve been doing a lot of activities lately—art shows, readings, events, etc. I also have a full time job and a home life. Not that anyone would consider me some paragon of success but in chatting with others I know that seeing people online saying “look at all the stuff I’m doing falala!” can be alienating. Why, you might ask, why is it when I try to do extra stuff is everything a disaster? So I thought I’d share how I managed to get through the past six weeks.
First—Process in Process. I got the art show up by not over planning it. I took a pile of art—more than I needed—and my mom and just figured it out when we got there. We also hung some of the sets of work on string instead of individually 3Ming stuff up. Also, my mom helped me, and my sister gave me the clips for the laundry line hanging. They also got the food for that night which was indispensable. My job also doesn’t pay overtime but gives time off for extra hours and so I used up my overtime for the day the show went up.
I also worked ahead because while I was getting ready for that my good pal and collaborator Kate Siklosi was in Banff doing a residency and I knew I wanted to go see her on two occasions. So I knew I could do X amount but not more if we were going to have our time to hang out.
For the three readings I read stuff I had ready but hadn’t read before or hadn’t read in a while. I was very nearly late for one reading practicing it at home, but made it in the nick of time.
For The Bright Side Festival I was pretty careful about keeping my workspaces tidy which is not my normal operating procedure. I knew though that if I didn’t do this my house would descend into a level of untenable chaos. I deliberately stopped working an hour before I normally would and neatly put things away. For the show I also picked something I’d started over Christmas break when I cut the lathes and ladies out, so I wasn’t working from scratch. I had to push it though to be ready in time—just working on that on the weekend and in the evenings—no other extra stuff.
Writing the poems to go with Stacey Walyuchow’s art I did by spending snippets of time studying the art, and then setting aside one Sunday to just do those. I was pretty pooped both from the other stuff and from a hike we did but that actually put me in the exact right headspace to write. But it took discipline. I knew I couldn’t do anything else until it was done or time wouldn’t be in my side.
All this time I was measuring out my time and scheduling and tidying and doing yoga and all in all being very controlled about everything in a way that is very non-me. I think I missed cleaning sheets and towels one week but otherwise I was on top of it. If I was going to meet the promises I’d made to everyone I had to be super focused.
I got a grant application in just in time. Submitted 11:40 pm a whole 20 minutes before it was due. Sleepiness ensued…
Finally, getting ready for Starry Dynamo and having that and the two art shows in the same week pushed everything over the edge. We ate Thai Express and frozen pizza. I used a precious vacation day to take Friday off to prep for the market and also just chill after a big night of two shows. I cleaned up the mess I made over the past two weeks all day yesterday, and my desk is still half covered in junk. I drafted David into not doing chores the week before (so as to not have all this seem too one sided) and there were small Betty fur tumble weeds from the skipped week of vacuuming. I cleaned the fridge yesterday and there were some rice noodles that I couldn’t remember cooking and which had turned half black in their container. My neck and back hurt. I haven’t done yoga for a week and a half at least. I was so tired yesterday and now with the time change I’m totally beat.
I also didn’t do everything I wanted to. I deliberately scheduled one obligation for after all this when I would have liked to do it sooner. I have a list of things I wanted to prepare for the arts market that I never started or didn’t finish. Cloth still on the loom. Mini paintings I bought frames for not just unfinished but not even started. A chapbook of visual poetry yet to be scanned. I didn’t make plans to see any friends, even seeing my family less than usual, which is rare since my dad passed.
I don’t say any of this to whine about the amount of work this all was or to imply that something I’ve seemed excited about is actually rotten inside. Quite the contrary—I’m exceptionally pleased and fulfilled by the things I’ve gotten up to these past few months. I’ve had a lot of really, really amazing conversations with so many people about art and writing. I’ve had beautiful transformative experiences. I’m so happy to have made some things I’ve been dreaming about making. I’m touched—deeply touched—by the people who said my poems resonated with them or who bought art or a chapbook from me. I’m really happy about all of it. I say this to say—it’s a lot to do and it’s not like everything was easy and tidy and well organized along the way. I got it all done by sacrificing some things, like tidiness and socializing, though until the last week I really tried to emphasize the health stuff so I could make it to the end of the busy time. I couldn’t work at this pace indefinitely. Now I really just want to poke away at some poems slowly, watch a movie on my mom’s couch, go for a hike, and not do anything. I’d say read a book but I think I’m too sleepy. Anyway, I say this because if ever you feel like you’re not doing it all, that even though I posted about doing stuff on social media I’m not doing it all either, and I couldn’t have done what I did do without my family pitching in or my partner picking up some of my slack. I’m sleepy, I didn’t go to some shows I wanted to see. It was worth it for that burst of time but now I need a break from the scheduling… I am not regimented by nature and it’s not something I can do for long periods of time. So if that’s how you feel after giving it a big push I’m with you. And if you have cat fur tumbleweeds rolling through your house while you’re trying to finish your project I wanted you to know you’re not the only one…