The Forgotten Manuscript

I have a habit of repeatedly writing out the list of major projects I’d like to complete—manuscripts and art series. I do this… every few days depending on my mood. These begin as “today” or “this week” to do lists because I’m always convinced I will finish multiple manuscripts in a week, weekend, or even day depending how I’m feeling. This is a strange habit quite divorced from the repeated reality of my days, but it’s a very cheerful habit, and one that keeps me excited about the art and writing. So odd but nice.

I notice recently though that I keep forgetting one project—Glass Clouds. It seems bizarre that I do so. I’ve put an enormous amount of work into it and have had a great deal of help from family and friends on it, and I’m really happy with it. I’ve completed 50 poems (paired with the photos that’s enough for a book) but plan 250 more to go with all my favourite photos that might be shared in some alternate way, as that’s probably too hefty for one book! But I haven’t been writing those poems because it keeps slipping my mind which is very strange for me.

There are two possible reasons, I think, for why it keeps slipping my mind. First—I don’t talk about it much. This is because if it takes a long time to expand and/or to have published I don’t want everyone to already be sick of it. This might be an unsubstantiated concern. I can’t recall ever getting bored of hearing about someone’s forthcoming book even when they talked about writing it for ages. Partly this might be the visual art, though. This project is in many ways one of my first big professions steps in my visual art, as I received funding for the project, and I’m not sure if I should be sharing the photos so early in the process, or how many I should share, or if there’s any reason to hold them back. I’m not sure what exactly I’m unsure of but I think I have a latent sense that I’m not totally sure what I’m doing but that I do want to get it right…

These are bogus reasons when it comes to the memory thing though, I think, because I never talk about the other projects I keep listing out. Some I haven’t mentioned to another human in ages if ever.

I think I might just be at peace with the project. Just sort of happy with how the first leg went in a deep and pleasant way. It was such an incredible struggle to get there for so many reasons—most of them personal not artistic reasons—but that hasn’t marred the work for me. When I think of it I feel quite content. Maybe this is the reason I forget it—because it already feels like an accomplishment. It’s the only reason that seems likely.

But I definitely don’t want to forget about Glass Clouds. I am really fond of it and it is really significant to me and holds so many important life moments in it for me. So maybe I’ll start talking about it more as I go. If it brings me peace maybe it’ll do the same for someone else.

Sorting

I haven’t been good for much this past week but in an effort to get something done I’ve been sorting the photos on my computer… the 56,000 photos. I’ve sorted about 20,000 now. First backed up en masse, but now in orderly folders on a portable hard drive. It’s the sort of thing that probably would have always remained a burden if not for the COVID confinement, and now that I’ve mucked up my ankle and can’t go for a bike ride, I really need a low-attention task to occupy myself. Doing this while listening to the Wolf Hall audiobook. Anyway, my travels are now neatly grouped, my art projects are neatly sorted, and photos of finished pieces ready to share are in their own folder too. Rather than an endless oppressive scroll of this an that all mixed up this is really nice. It’s also gratifying to see how many art projects I’ve done. It seems strange in some ways that I always think of myself as just arriving, just arriving at visual art. The photos show that I’ve been very regularly at it for five years, and that’s only as far back as this computer goes. Similarly I feel like I haven’t “gotten anything done” during isolation, but here too the photos show several pieces begun and finished. It’s a strange thing, this feeling of mine about my art. Not sure what that’s about, but it is incredibly persistent.

Anyway, here’s a photo from 2017 I like. It’s been fake spring in Calgary forever in the way that makes it feel like we’ll never have a proper recognizable season again, so the idea of a true fresh breath of cold winter air seems appealing and decisive right now.

Busy busy and two Ravens

So busy with all this art stuff it seems like there’s barely any time to write about it! I want to do a couple posts reflecting on the awesome stuff I’ve been fortunate to be a part of but I’m always much better at writing about stuff in progress and stuff coming up than looking back at arty happenings. Which is weird because much of my art is all about nostalgia. Hmm. Anyway….

On a non art note today we climbed a mountain and at the top saw two ravens playing in the wind. They had a stick they seemed to be vying for, and they tumbled and soared, letting the wind carry them, using it to swirl around each other, then falling and climbing as they went. It was one of the most majestic and beautiful things I’ve seen. Nature, man. It’s magnificent. Also I shot a roll of film of double exposures, but not of the birds. I felt like I just wanted to watch them and give them my full attention, and that anyway no crummy cellphone photo was going to do the experience justice. It was just about watching them, and letting their amazing play just fill our eyes and hearts.